A Farewell to Bush

Millions of us have been waiting for this day for eight long years—George W. Bush’s last full day in office. Less than 24 hours remain before Bush is forced to abdicate his pseudo-throne to make way for a new and undoubtedly better president. Let’s face it, virtually anyone—aside from Dick “Dead-Eye” Cheney, who served as a de facto “shadow” president during Bush’s first term—could do a better job.

I wish I could think of something funny to write about George Walker Bush. He has certainly provided more fodder for comics and satirists than any other president in history. His verbal gaffes alone have produced volumes of books, which in itself is a singular accomplishment. In assessing his legacy, on the positive side we can perhaps remember that as Clown in Chief he made us laugh time and again—albeit unintentionally. But the mocking laughter he has inspired is certainly not enough to counter the unbearable suffering his actions have caused so many people around the globe.

I met Governor Bush in 1997 when I was a photographer for the Texas House of Representatives. We photographers frequently had to go to the governor’s office to photograph him signing bills and glad-handing visitors, most often school kids. I found him to be affable and totally unimpressive. The only remarkable thing about him was his memory. After meeting me once, he remembered my name—although I was never important enough to be blessed with a nickname, which probably would have been “Baldy” or “Shorty.”

When Bush announced his candidacy for the presidency in 2000, I laughed. Who was he kidding? What possibly qualified him to be the leader of the Free World? I stopped laughing on November 7 of that year.

Mr. Bush's tenure has been the blackest of comedies. Unfortunately, the joke was on us.

As Buffoon in Chief, Bush embarrassed himself and America time and again. To his credit, Bush never vomited on a foreign head of state like his father did, although he did give German Chancellor Angela Merkel a brief and unwelcome neck rub. Bush proved as inept at opening actual doors as he was adept at closing doors on constitutional rights. Plus, the man who was elected in part to restore dignity to the Presidency brought his fair share of undignified moments to it.

One can only hope that Bush’s rather seemingly simple persona conceals a more complex individual. On the other hand, this is a man who told a German newspaper in 2006 that the best moment of his presidency was catching a seven-and-a-half pound bass on his lake. It’s unclear whether that was intended as a joke.

What do we make of this privileged former draft-dodging frat boy who sought to portray himself as America’s cowboy protector and the liberator of the Middle East, but whose actions fell miserably short of the grand visions put forth in his carefully scripted speeches? New York Times columnist Frank Rich aptly described Bush as “smaller than life.” And some time ago, the author E.L Doctorow provided a sharp analysis of the emptiness of Bush’s claims of compassion. For a man who constantly talks about his religious faith, Bush’s actions and policies have shown little familiarity with Christ’s “love thy neighbor” teachings.

Bush’s defenders can legitimately point to some positive accomplishments, such as his funding of AIDS programs, and his recent and rather surprising environmental action making three remote areas of the Pacific Ocean protected national monuments. And if former Senator Bill Frist’s contention that Bush’s AIDS and health policies have saved 10 million lives is correct, that would bring some karmic balance for the countless thousands of innocent Iraqi lives lost because of Mr. Bush’s foolhardy war.

In struggling to define his legacy, the White House has posted on its Web site its own list of Bush's accomplishments, as well as a booklet of 100 "little-known" facts about him. If you enjoy reading fiction, check these documents out. But Mr. Bush's "accomplishments" are probably more accurately summarized here.

Bush and his supporters maintain that he kept us safe for the past seven years. It’s certainly true that no terrorist attack has occurred on American soil since that terrible day in 2001. But wouldn’t a President Gore have protected the nation as well, and without starting a second and wholly unnecessary war that, in its beginning, had nothing at all to do with terrorism? Unfortunately that bungled war in Iraq has created a perfect training ground for legions of new terrorists, and America is more widely despised in foreign lands than at any time in its history. How exactly does this make us safer?

In his final press conference on January 12, Bush went for a laugh by telling the press corps, “You misunderestimated me.” No one laughed. A few nights later, Bush addressed the American public one last time, fumbling through a rather pathetic 13-minute speech in which he told us in essence that he’s done a heckuva job and has a lot to be proud of. In Bushworld, reality never intrudes.

What's next for Mr. Bush? It’s clear that, unlike former Presidents Carter and Clinton, he has neither the moral conscience nor intellectual gravitas to use his stature and resources as a former president to tackle serious global issues. Perhaps Bush can go back to enjoying golf in his retirement, that precious game he claims to have given up as a personal sacrifice in solidarity with the troops serving in Iraq. Keith Olbermann’s blistering diatribe on this subject cannot be matched.

Thankfully Mr. Bush will enjoy his retirement amongst his own—the wealthy folk of the tony North Dallas neighborhood of Preston Hollow. A young neighborhood Republican named Patrick Bibb took it upon himself to have yard signs printed that read “Welcome Home, George and Laura.” Well, Patrick, you’re welcome to them. Perhaps you can serve the Bushes a “welcome home” dinner befitting George’s contradictory halves—the Connecticut-born blueblood and the wannabe redneck. I would suggest corn dogs with a side of Beluga caviar.

Mr. Bush, may you live the remainder of your life quietly and out of the public eye. This should be easy enough to do. No sane future president would seek your counsel on any subject, and it’s difficult to imagine you in high demand on the lecture circuit. On the other hand, you could write a lengthy instructional tome on how not to be president.

I know I speak for the majority of Americans when I say goodbye, and good riddance.

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