News Flash!

BP Hopes Giant Tampon Will Plug Oil Leak

May 18, 2010 (WASHINGTON) - Oil giant British Petroleum (BP) has contracted with Proctor and Gamble to construct a giant tampon to permanently plug the leaking oil pipeline in the Gulf of Mexico caused by the explosion of the Deep Horizon drilling platform several weeks ago.

Proctor and Gamble spokeswoman Stephanie Padwell said, “We, the makers of quality Tampax feminine hygiene products, are excited about this project. If we can help stanch the menstrual flow of millions of women all over the world every day, we’re confident we can plug a leaking hole in Mother Earth.”

Construction of the mile-long tampon and plastic applicator is expected to take four weeks.

Meawhile, BP plans to siphon up some of the leaked oil from the surface waters of the Gulf of Mexico by using what is essentially a giant drinking straw.

“We need something or someone who can provide an enormous amount of suction,” said BP spokesman Michael Bollock. “Luckily, former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin has volunteered to start the siphoning process. Because after all, no one sucks like Sarah Palin.”

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