Bush Crash-Lands Air Force One

June 15, 2008 (Washington) President Bush ended his European tour this afternoon by crash-landing Air Force One in a Brazilian rain forest. No injuries were reported, and Mr. Bush is now safely back in Washington.

According to initial reports, Mr, Bush, a former Texas Air Guard pilot, decided this might his last chance to “fly a big ol’ plane” before he leaves the White House next January. The president took control of the plane over the pilot and copilot’s “strenuous” objections shortly after takeoff from a military base in England.

The source said Mr. Bush sat making whooshing and machine gun noises with his mouth before veering hopelessly off course. When the pilot tried to correct him, Mr. Bush yelled “I’m the decider here, Cap’n Kangaroo!” and locked the flight crew out of the cockpit for the remainder of the flight.

The plane’s landing gear was sheared off by treetops before it landed on its belly and skidded to a safe stop about 150 miles north of Sao Paulo, the Brazilian capital.

A confused Mr. Bush waved and shouted “Hola, Mexicanos!” to the Brazilian natives who gathered to stare cautiously at the grounded jet. He and his entourage were then whisked away in a Marine helicopter that was dispatched to track the errant aircraft.

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