Cheney’s Heart "Normal"

July 12, 2008 (WASHINTON) - Doctors reported Saturday that Vice President Dick Cheney's heartbeat was normal—for Mr. Cheney.

“Mr. Cheney’s heart is as black and withered as ever,” said a doctor at George Washington University Hospital. “In other words, with mechanical assistance to keep this atrophied organ pumping, his cardiac status remains stable. His brain, on the other hand, seems to be losing its ability to telepathically link to President Bush. Mr. Cheney’s personal physician, a Dr. Lou Cypher, said something about needing a ‘sacrifice’ to correct that. But that’s not our problem.”

In other news, two newborn infants went missing from GWMCU shortly before the Vice President was discharged.

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