China Solves Tibet Problem

April 11, 2008 (Beijing, China) - In a shocking development, China launched a barrage of nuclear warheads at Tibet at about 3 p.m. EST Friday (4 a.m. Saturday, Chinese time), destroying the entire country.

Chinese President Hu Jintao appeared at a news conference broadcast to the world. Smiling broadly, President Hu said, “We hope the world agrees that China has executed the best possible solution to the intractable problem that was Tibet. The tiresome arguments over whether Tibet deserved independence or autonomy, the baseless accusations that China has violated Tibetan human rights, the issue of whether the West should boycott the Olympics because of our treatment of Tibetan protesters—all these issues have been resolved in the form of several glorious mushroom clouds that lit up the morning sky. Tibet is no more. So let us all move on and be friends.

“We hope that protesters around the world will now go home, but come to China in July to enjoy some fantastic Olympic games. And please remember to bring radiation suits.”

President Bush had no immediate comment, but was overheard asking an aide if Tibet was near Timbuktu.

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