Jeffs Challenges Cruise

April 17, 2008 (Draper, UT) - Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints leader Warren Jeffs has challenged Scientologist Tom Cruise to a duel to settle the debate over which of their faiths is, according to Jeffs, “the one, true cult.”

Jeffs, speaking from Utah State Prison, said, “The heathen Cruise and his ilk believe that little spacemen spawned them, and they practice an ungodly system that leads to delusional self-aggrandizement. We, on the other hand, obey the word of the living God as handed down to me—and we get the hottest, youngest chicks. We should settle this like old-fashioned men—by dueling with slingshots and big rocks.”

Asked for a response, Cruise said “HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! That’s… GAAAH! Oh, wow… Scientology is just--WHOOO!”

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