Michael Jackson is Really, Really Dead

June 26, 2009 (Los Angeles) - Michael Jackson’s manager, Frank Dileo, confirmed today that the late pop superstar’s scheduled London concert dates have been canceled because Michael Jackson is really, really dead.

“Obviously we’re all saddened by Michael’s loss, which is made even sadder by the fact that he’ll won’t be able to stage his planned comeback tour,” Dileo said. “As hard as it is to believe, Michael is really gone. But Michael leaves behind a legacy of fantastic music and legions of fans worldwide who were touched by his music.”

Jackson was dubbed the “King of Pop” in the 1980’s, and his album “Thriller” remains the best-selling album of all time, having sold roughly 50 million copies worldwide.

Dileo took questions from fans, many of whom still had trouble believing the pop music legend is really dead.

Asked whether Jackson faked his death and might keep his upcoming concert dates, Dileo answered angrily, “No! He’s really dead! He is not living on an island with Elvis and Marilyn Monroe! He will not perform because he’s no longer alive! What is wrong with you people?”

Another fan asked if Jackson might make a comeback from the grave, Dileo heaved a deep sigh and said, “Are you serious? Look, even though Michael brought a lot of magic into the world and believed deeply in magic himself, I doubt that he can be resurrected.”

Jackson leaves behind three children in probable need of psychotherapy, a team of very wealthy plastic surgeons, and several possible victims of child molestation.

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