Obama Taps Biden For VP

August 24, 2008 (Springfield, IL) - Senator Barack Obama announced yesterday that Senator Joseph Biden of Delaware will be his vice presidential running mate. Appearing at a rally in Springfield, Ill., where his presidential bid began 20 months ago, Obama introduced Biden to an enthusiastic crowd.

“I can tell you that Joe Biden gets it,” Obama said, not specifying what “it” is. For his part, Biden recited what appeared to be a slightly modified version the preamble to the U.S. Constitution, which Biden claimed he penned on the plane ride to Springfield. During his 1988 presidential bid, Biden faced charges that he plagiarized then-British Labor Party leader Neil Kinnock and withdrew from the race.

Biden then said, “I’m proud to be running alongside the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy.”

Obama then placed his head in his hands and was overhead whispering to a staff member, “Is it too late to change my mind?”

Meanwhile in Denver, outraged Hillary Clinton supporters planned to immolate themselves at the Democratic National Convention Thursday evening because Obama apparently never seriously considered Senator Clinton as a running mate. Fervent Obama supporters planned to be standing by with marshmallows on sticks.

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