Obama to have “uhs” removed

July 28, 2008 (Chicago, IL) - Presumptive Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama is scheduled to have surgery tomorrow to remove the speech portion of his brain that produces the sound “uh.” Obama, known for his eloquent and inspiring speeches, is also known for his halting style when speaking extemporaneously.

Asked why he chose to have the surgery now, Obama said, “Uh, we felt it was, uh, important for me to, uh, be prepared for the inevitable debates with, uh, Senator McCain. I don’t want, uh, my fellow Americans to, uh, you know, be distracted from the, uh, substance of my answers by, uh, pauses in my speaking.”

McCain, who is thought to appear dull and uninspired when making prepared speeches, is hoping to have town-hall style debates with Obama in which neither man would know the topics or have remarks prepared beforehand. McCain is considered to be stronger when speaking off the cuff.

“I wish Senator Obama a swift recovery,” McCain told reporters. “And I’ll debate him anywhere: Washington B.C.; Lincoln, Nevada; Czechoslavakia; wherever. The choice is his. Whatever happens, I plan to kick his ‘uhs’ in any debate.”

Home