U.S. Satellite Shoot-Down Screwed Up

February 21, 2008 (Washington) - The U.S. Navy’s attempt to shoot down an errant satellite with a surface-to-air missile met with disaster. The missile, fired from the cruiser USS Lake Eerie at 10:26 p.m. EST Wednesday, veered off course and plummeted back to Earth, detonating in Tehran, Iran and destroying the palace of President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Ahmadinejad, who was at the time taking a spin in his newest nuclear centrifuge, escaped unharmed.

Ahmadinejad appeared dizzy and unsteady as he emerged from the centrifuge. “I hope this proves that we are using these centrifuges for the purposes of peace—and fun,” he said. When told of the destruction of his palace by an American missile, he said, “Nyah, nyah, Bush! You missed again!” And then he vomited on a nearby ayatollah.

Minutes ago, President Bush appeared at a hastily called press conference. Mr. Bush opened the conference by shrugging his shoulders and saying, “Oops. Looks like we missed twice. Heh-heh. But seriously folks… we’re glad that President Ahmin—Adameena—Argameda—anyway, we’re glad the Iranian dictator guy was unharmed in this incident, which was totally an accident. But we still have eight more chances to blow him up—blow it up… the satellite, I mean.”

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