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Supreme Court Voids All Constitutional Amendments

January 22, 2010 (WASHINGTON) - The U.S. Supreme Court ruled today that all 27 amendments to the U.S. Constitution are themselves unconstitutional, calling them “unnecessary add-ons” to the original document.

A 5-4 majority led by Chief Justice John Roberts declared that the basic Constitution worked well for the first couple of years of this country, and “that’s good enough for us.”

In the majority opinion, Justice Roberts wrote, “Frankly, we’re tired of having to interpret all these so-called ‘rights’ whenever some shyster tries to twist them to his or her advantage. This will streamline things quite a bit, and allow the Court to spend more time on the golf course.”

In a separate supporting opinion, Justice Antonin Scalia simply wrote, “Rights, schmights.”

In a combination dissenting opinion and resignation letter, Justice John Paul Stevens wrote, “I’m sick and tired of these conservative fuckheads wrecking the Constitution. Plus Scalia always reeks of garlic. So I quit. Oh, and up yours, Clarence.”

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