News Flash!

Toyota Offers Solution to Customers

Feb. 7, 2010 (TOKYO) - The head of Toyota Motor Corp., which has been reeling from reports of problems with the accelerators and braking systems on several of its models, emerged from seclusion to make a statement about his company’s problems.

Akio Toyoda, appointed to the top job at Toyota last June, promised to beef up quality control, saying, "We are facing a crisis."

“We have, however, come up with a solution," said Mr. Toyoda. "We would like to offer our customers the chance to trade in their faulty cars for a very reliable Toyota forklift, which has no sophisticated electronic parts. A forklift may be a slow form of transportation, but it would come in handy for those Americans who need to move very heavy things, such as their obese spouses or children, around their yards or garages.

“As an alternative, we would like to offer free kits to transform your Toyota into a large, attractive aquarium. Your kids will love it.”

Meanwhile in Washington, Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood had this advice: “If I owned a Toyota, I might want to take it to an unsavory neighborhood and leave it there with the windows rolled down and the keys inside. I’m not encouraging anyone to commit insurance fraud. I’m just sayin’.”

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