Spitzer Swallowed by Scandal
New York Governor Elliot Spitzer swallowed his pride and announced his resignation on March 11 amidst the outcry over his involvement with a prostitution ring. The outcry came mainly from state Republican legislators, who demanded that Spitzer resign and surrender his wanker to the state police. Apparently most New Yorkers weren’t that perturbed by his indiscretions. A mere 17 percent of New Yorkers polled thought Spitzer should resign, while 83 percent thought his wife should get the chance to shove a broomstick up his cornhole.
Governor Spitzer, or Client 9 as he sometimes likes to be called, certainly is not the first politician to blow his career over, well, getting blown... among other presumed pleasures. But he is one pol whose blatant hypocrisy is surprising. As New York state attorney general, the seemingly squeaky-clean Spitzer cracked down prostitution, shifting the prosecutorial focus from prostitutes to their clients. Men like himself, in other words.
Normally I wouldn’t think this was much of a crime. But if Spitzer is going to send other men to prison for illegal acts that he himself is committing, that’s a serious problem. If there’s one thing I cannot stand, it’s hypocrisy. Another is stinky feet. Many people have been speculating what in the world a high-profile politico like Spitzer was thinking while using a call girl's services. I imagine it was something like this: “Oh baby, that’s it. Oh yeahhhh…. Ahhh... Oh gawwwwwd!” But that’s mere conjecture on my part. Psychologists have weighed in on the matter, theorizing that wealthy and powerful individuals may tend to think of themselves as above the rules that they may impose on us mere mortals. These may be the same pschycologists who had to conduct an extensive study to determine that, generally, men prefer hot women to plain ones.
I say good riddance to Spitzer. But many questions remain about his behavior. For instance, what makes a call girl worth $1,000 to $3,400 an hour? Do they spend their formative years studying the Kama Sutra? Are they also trained as acrobats? Do have an extra pleasure-giving orifice hidden away? I just don’t know. To put it Biblically, I’ve never lain with a prostitute… mainly because the crack whores that I could afford on my meager salary are so skanky they should be paying me for sex. And if had an extra $1,000 to $3,400 to blow (sorry to keep using that word), I don’t think I’d spend it on an hour of sex. I’d rather have something more lasting and meaningful, like a high-definition TV, or a year’s supply of marijuana (strictly for my glaucoma, of course).
If I were wealthy, on the other hand, I’m sure I might indulge in high-priced carnal pleasure with a beautiful escort. I’m single, not in the public eye, and can’t really get a date any other way, so I’d have very little to worry about. But I’d want at least a full night of pleasure for my money, with a few extras thrown in—such as a full-body massage, an unlimited Netflix subscription, and a souvenir t-shirt of some sort. Maybe one that says, “I Spent $80,000 on Hookers! Elect Me Governor!”
But I don’t think I’d risk my family and career for it. Hope it was worth it, Elliot.
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